So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
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Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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