Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
