Are we in a gay sports bar?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am midnight drunk by noon
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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