We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
