the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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