I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
