well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
