I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
