Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
