I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
