I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
