It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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