i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
