stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
