You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
