I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have aggressive nipples.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
