Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
