That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
