...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
