apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
