dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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