I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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