A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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