i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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