so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
