I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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