He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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