I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
