that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and she was petting her beer can
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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