They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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