dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
