just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
