omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
