I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
