i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
