he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
