so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
smell my finger.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
