he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
