38 yer olds are good kisserssss
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
