Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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