if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
