oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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