If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
