What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
