if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
