Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
