Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
