Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
