i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
