I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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