just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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