from now on my penis is your penis
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
