maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
