Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
