I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize