you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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