i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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