Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
