the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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