Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
false alarm, still single
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
