conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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