Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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