woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
