I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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