it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
