I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
