my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize