im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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