I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
