that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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