Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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